Monday, January 31, 2011
Rinzone
I got a call from someone I don't know named Rinzone. Somehow, it is a video call, and I can see this guy on my phone. He's a frat-looking dude with a white backwards baseball cap. I am annoyed, and unsure whether or not he can see me too. I hit "cancel" a bunch of times to end the call, but then I see that he's been automatically added to my contacts list.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
White Light, White Heat, White Bread
From LJ 3/5/02, edited and reformatted.
For some reason, the Velvet Underground reunited (lineup unknown) solely to play a gig at my old elementary school. I left my high school to go see them. Then I realized I forgot to tell the high school people that I was leaving, so I told the elementary school principal, who happened to be my father, to tell them that I left. It turned out that I had missed the band. Also, everyone was boycotting sandwiches. I had pizza. Then I saw some other people from high school. I think I woke up when the sandwich boycotters were rushing the stage.
NOTE: I believe this is the first recorded dream in which I have returned to high school. It hadn't even been a year since I graduated.
For some reason, the Velvet Underground reunited (lineup unknown) solely to play a gig at my old elementary school. I left my high school to go see them. Then I realized I forgot to tell the high school people that I was leaving, so I told the elementary school principal, who happened to be my father, to tell them that I left. It turned out that I had missed the band. Also, everyone was boycotting sandwiches. I had pizza. Then I saw some other people from high school. I think I woke up when the sandwich boycotters were rushing the stage.
NOTE: I believe this is the first recorded dream in which I have returned to high school. It hadn't even been a year since I graduated.
Japan, a Bake-Off, and the Quiet Room
This dream, posted to LiveJournal on 3/16/05, is incredibly long. I cleaned up some of the text and divided it into three acts.
As usual, I don't remember a lot of it well. Here are some fleeting details I remember:
--A lot of the beginning took place in Japan.
--I think Rachel was there. More of my friends were probably there.
--I think there were complicated portions about buying drinks.
--I also believe I bought a bunch of CDs at some sort of Japanese clearance bin. The only one I remember was outtakes by the Jam.
--I also had a Nintendo DS, and I was playing some sort of version of WarioWare*, but all the games involved popular superheroes.
--I think there may have been a whole plot involving an '80s rock band, a shady rehearsal space, and violent police activity, but as I said, my memory of all this is fleeting at best.
--At some point, though, I was in a run-down parking deck running into various old friends, talking to them about college and the future.
--I think there was also a plot about working in a movie theater with Kelso from That '70s Show. (I think by this I mean the actual character of Kelso and not Ashton Kutcher.)
This is the part of the dream that I remember more clearly, though.
--Apparently, we lived in a really huge, sterile, hospital-like house with aluminum walls. They locked me in my room because either I was a menace or they wanted me to concentrate. It worked for a while, but there was a computer lab with all sorts of new technological things. I played around with something yellow and I flipped out and went elsewhere in the house.
--Poppy (my grandfather) was trying to win a baking contest. He was up against his arch-nemesis (some real asshole) and a celebrity chef (who was apparently not competing, he was sorta like the control in an experiment). The judges were celebrities, as well. I remember Poppy cooked some sort of dessert (some type of chocolatey cheesecakey deal) and some kind of seafood (lobster or scallops, maybe). No one got around to eating the seafood and everyone was in the judging room. We concluded that as his rival was nowhere to be found, he was influencing the judges. I don't think anyone was around.
--At around this point, I saw a complicated photocollage that one of my relatives did. It had a little booklet to explain it.
--Judging time ran out and no one was around. The judging room we were all waiting around was the laundry room, but I clearly remembered that the judging room was in the bathroom. I wandered around and the real baking contest; the one Poppy entered was a fake! But then, the fake contestants and judges confronted the real ones, and the man who put on the contest got nervous. (Apparently he put on the fake one to keep them from entering the real one.) All descended into chaos. And apparently I was making a film about it, because then I was visited by the real version of the fake professor from whom I borrowed equipment. Uh-oh.
--Then I went outside. That's all I remember about that part.
--Then Mom brought me back to the house, and I saw all the chaos that was going on before. I didn't get to see it up close, though: she took me straight to my room (from before), which was actually called the Quiet Room (so named because when you're in it, you can't see or hear anything going on in the outside world). But it wasn't just my room, there were other people there. I figured, I'll show them. I won't screw up this time. I won't play with anything yellow that might make me flip out. And for a while, I was actually focused. Then I got on a computer and logged on AIM, but only for a second, because I wasn't supposed to. I got a video message from my father, Bob Odenkirk. The last thing I remember was that I could call up outtakes from the video message, which all involved him messing up and swearing.
As I said, I may be completely wrong about a lot of this, but there it is.
I don't remember why, exactly, they kept me in the Quiet Room, or what I did right when I left. The second time around, it was so I wouldn't get distracted by anything, but the first time there was a specific purpose.
Maybe I'll remember later.
N.B.: I didn't.
*WarioWare: a series of video games in which you must play a series of really short games (generally lasting for eight beats of music), typically with one word of instruction.
As usual, I don't remember a lot of it well. Here are some fleeting details I remember:
--A lot of the beginning took place in Japan.
--I think Rachel was there. More of my friends were probably there.
--I think there were complicated portions about buying drinks.
--I also believe I bought a bunch of CDs at some sort of Japanese clearance bin. The only one I remember was outtakes by the Jam.
--I also had a Nintendo DS, and I was playing some sort of version of WarioWare*, but all the games involved popular superheroes.
--I think there may have been a whole plot involving an '80s rock band, a shady rehearsal space, and violent police activity, but as I said, my memory of all this is fleeting at best.
--At some point, though, I was in a run-down parking deck running into various old friends, talking to them about college and the future.
--I think there was also a plot about working in a movie theater with Kelso from That '70s Show. (I think by this I mean the actual character of Kelso and not Ashton Kutcher.)
This is the part of the dream that I remember more clearly, though.
--Apparently, we lived in a really huge, sterile, hospital-like house with aluminum walls. They locked me in my room because either I was a menace or they wanted me to concentrate. It worked for a while, but there was a computer lab with all sorts of new technological things. I played around with something yellow and I flipped out and went elsewhere in the house.
--Poppy (my grandfather) was trying to win a baking contest. He was up against his arch-nemesis (some real asshole) and a celebrity chef (who was apparently not competing, he was sorta like the control in an experiment). The judges were celebrities, as well. I remember Poppy cooked some sort of dessert (some type of chocolatey cheesecakey deal) and some kind of seafood (lobster or scallops, maybe). No one got around to eating the seafood and everyone was in the judging room. We concluded that as his rival was nowhere to be found, he was influencing the judges. I don't think anyone was around.
--At around this point, I saw a complicated photocollage that one of my relatives did. It had a little booklet to explain it.
--Judging time ran out and no one was around. The judging room we were all waiting around was the laundry room, but I clearly remembered that the judging room was in the bathroom. I wandered around and the real baking contest; the one Poppy entered was a fake! But then, the fake contestants and judges confronted the real ones, and the man who put on the contest got nervous. (Apparently he put on the fake one to keep them from entering the real one.) All descended into chaos. And apparently I was making a film about it, because then I was visited by the real version of the fake professor from whom I borrowed equipment. Uh-oh.
--Then I went outside. That's all I remember about that part.
--Then Mom brought me back to the house, and I saw all the chaos that was going on before. I didn't get to see it up close, though: she took me straight to my room (from before), which was actually called the Quiet Room (so named because when you're in it, you can't see or hear anything going on in the outside world). But it wasn't just my room, there were other people there. I figured, I'll show them. I won't screw up this time. I won't play with anything yellow that might make me flip out. And for a while, I was actually focused. Then I got on a computer and logged on AIM, but only for a second, because I wasn't supposed to. I got a video message from my father, Bob Odenkirk. The last thing I remember was that I could call up outtakes from the video message, which all involved him messing up and swearing.
As I said, I may be completely wrong about a lot of this, but there it is.
I don't remember why, exactly, they kept me in the Quiet Room, or what I did right when I left. The second time around, it was so I wouldn't get distracted by anything, but the first time there was a specific purpose.
Maybe I'll remember later.
N.B.: I didn't.
*WarioWare: a series of video games in which you must play a series of really short games (generally lasting for eight beats of music), typically with one word of instruction.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
In which I accidentally join the Army
(From LiveJournal, dated June 28, 2005.)
I was on a bus that was headed toward an Army recruitment base. I didn't intend to join. I was there for some other reason, moral support or something, or maybe it was just a mistake. In any case, I wound up joining against my will.
I forget the next part.
In any case, the next part was some sort of thing to get familiar with the Army, but it was more like a business fair with guys in suits. And it was held in a school cafeteria. And some sort of child band was playing at it. I decided this was my chance to escape. I tried three doors. The first was the men's room. The second was the ladies' room. The third had some sort of ominous "you can leave any time you want" sign on it. I went through the door, preparing for whatever fate was going to befall me.
Then some guy poked me really hard in the stomach with a broom handle.
After escaping him, I saw a wall with a bunch of British newspapers from the future: they printed them up and kept them around for when the events in question would happen. There were four I paid special attention to. One was the beginning of war. One was a report on rock stars joining the armed forces, like Elvis in his day, but the only one I remembered was the Killers. One was the beginning of the draft. The last one, for no apparent reason, was the Manic Street Preachers talking about movies, dressed as movie characters (one was dressed as Spongebob).
So I escaped in full uniform, stepping over some sort of fancy water fixture, looking for a telephone to call my parents. As I was walking, I saw another recruitment bus. Someone got out and recognized that I was a deserter.
I don't remember what he did to me. Perhaps it's for the best.
I was on a bus that was headed toward an Army recruitment base. I didn't intend to join. I was there for some other reason, moral support or something, or maybe it was just a mistake. In any case, I wound up joining against my will.
I forget the next part.
In any case, the next part was some sort of thing to get familiar with the Army, but it was more like a business fair with guys in suits. And it was held in a school cafeteria. And some sort of child band was playing at it. I decided this was my chance to escape. I tried three doors. The first was the men's room. The second was the ladies' room. The third had some sort of ominous "you can leave any time you want" sign on it. I went through the door, preparing for whatever fate was going to befall me.
Then some guy poked me really hard in the stomach with a broom handle.
After escaping him, I saw a wall with a bunch of British newspapers from the future: they printed them up and kept them around for when the events in question would happen. There were four I paid special attention to. One was the beginning of war. One was a report on rock stars joining the armed forces, like Elvis in his day, but the only one I remembered was the Killers. One was the beginning of the draft. The last one, for no apparent reason, was the Manic Street Preachers talking about movies, dressed as movie characters (one was dressed as Spongebob).
So I escaped in full uniform, stepping over some sort of fancy water fixture, looking for a telephone to call my parents. As I was walking, I saw another recruitment bus. Someone got out and recognized that I was a deserter.
I don't remember what he did to me. Perhaps it's for the best.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Dreams from this weekend
Conversation with Matthew Fox
My parents and I have somehow found ourselves in the presence of Matthew Fox (Jack from "Lost"). We're in some sort of antiques shop and the store is empty apart from us, which allows us to have a lengthy conversation. My parents, my mom especially, have a lot of questions for Matthew and he answers them as if they've had many conversations before. When I finally get a chance to ask him some questions, I ask about the upcoming "Lost" comic books (which don't actually exist), one of which apparently concerns Mr. Eko's ghost. "So are they just focusing on the comics for now?" I ask. "Is there any chance of something live action?"
High School Reunion
Amy and I are at my (upcoming, in real life) 10-year high school reunion. Unfortunately, as part of the reunion they are making us all work on big school projects. We're divided into groups by table, and Amy and I somehow get put into separate groups. My group's project is to present a report on the whole of human history. The table is covered with papers and notes. However, since we have apparently arrived late, I offer to work on the conclusion. "I'm good at summarizing things poetically," I say.
Later I have to go to the bathroom. I recall that the entertainment for the reunion is going to be Whoopi Goldberg, singing, backed by the band Cake. The guitarist for Cake happens to be using the bathroom at the same time as me. However, the time has come for the music to start, so he has to play his guitar from the bathroom, which is somehow beamed to the room (overlooking the dining hall) where the rest of the band is playing. (I think they open with "We Are The Champions".)
After the first song, backstage guys arrive to whisk the guitarist to his proper location. For some reason, I follow. I do not recall anything further.
Terrorist Ferry Dock Cornering
Amy and myself and my parents are riding a bus in Chicago. We are riding along a river, and we need to get off the bus and take a ferry to the other side. While this is apparently a trip we take often, we have missed our usual stop and have to get off at an unfamiliar one. While we exit the bus, a taped recording warns, "CAUTION: THIS IS A BAD AREA."
Amy and I are walking towards the ferry dock, while my parents do the same on the other side of the road. I see a bicyclist ride up to them and pull out a gun. Thinking that they're getting mugged, I panic and try to get around the corner to the ferry dock before the mugger notices me too. Unfortunately, when I get in line for the ferry, about four more gunmen appear and make it clear that they are holding all of us hostage. There are something like 20 civilians waiting for the ferry in addition to Amy, myself and my parents (who have been herded to the same location).
Fearfully, I recall a film about this group of terrorists that mentioned that they will execute their prisoners on a whim. Then, a speedboat appears on the water, heading straight for us (we are lined up on a pier). I'm not sure if the speedboat means rescue or danger, until it comes within range and opens fire on the crowd with machine guns. Panicking, I dive into the water, not sure if I've been hit. I woke up at this point, legitimately disturbed.
Millions of Bees Fan
In a parking lot for some sort of outdoor concert, I notice a car with a large magnet sticker on its front bumper (the kind that would typically say "Student Driver".) This one, however, is bright yellow and says "Millions of Bees." I also see that the owner of the car has several large plush bumblebees hanging from their rear-view mirror.
When the girl owning the car arrives, I strike up a conversation with her and confirm that she is a fan of the old webcomic ("Millions of Bees") that I used to draw. "I thought maybe it was the name of a band," I say. We proceed to have a mundane conversation in which I tell her that I just saw Stephen Swift (my co-author) recently, that no, I am not still in college, and that I "do websites for newspapers."
I am going through some sort of novelty haunted house establishment, and nearing the end. The owner, as part of the act, is supposed to threaten me with a saw (much like Dan's singing saw that he got for Christmas). In the course of threatening me, he accidentally cuts my hand with the saw, and I demand my money back. At the register, the owner gives me a band-aid and a coupon.
KT, Caitlin, Dan, April, Amy and I leave the establishment together and walk out to the parking lot (this is a strip mall sort of situation). KT has not been feeling well and so his mother appears and takes him to her car, where she helps him get into his seat and then walks off. The rest of us are watching this from afar.
KT sits slumped in the passenger seat, looking into the distance with a dead stare. We start to worry that he is, in fact, dead. So we hurry over to the car and get into the back seat. Caitlin shakes KT's shoulder and discovers to our relief that he is alive. It turns out that KT's mom is sitting in another car across from the one we're in, and she is staring at KT in a similarly dead manner. "We're communing," KT says, and this is apparently something that makes KT feel better.
Monday, January 3, 2011
SNL Christmas Special
I was a cast member of Saturday Night Live, and we were putting on a Christmas show at the Flying Squirrel Community Space in Rochester. First, there was a long, complicated song. There were so many performers that we spanned multiple rooms. Everyone had a small part in it, similar to "We Are the World" or one of those other big charity singles. I wish I could remember the song, all I know is that it was really catchy and goofy.
There was another song next, which went into this bit featuring my grandma and Kermit the Frog. My grandma didn't like working with the Muppets, and kept revealing the artifice of the Muppets (i.e., that they are puppets operated by humans) out loud, to my dismay.
Next up was a skit that I was in. The premise was that I was grizzled old sea captain trying unsuccessfully to woo a fair young maiden sometime in the 1800s. I had no costume and no lines; I just had to make everything up on the spot. I kept my face all scrunched up in order to appear old, and I walked with a stiff, uncomfortable gait. The fair maiden was very reticent, and so I had to do a lot of the speaking, but I didn't know what to say. Suddenly, her husband comes onstage. Weirdly, he is also played by me, or at least someone who looks exactly like me. My doppelganger had long straight hair, a mustache, and was costumed in an old-fashioned nightgown with a sleeping cap. He reveals what turns out to be the crux of the skit: the maiden is only attracted to people who are dirty. In order to impress her, I have to make myself filthy by dumping plates of food over myself. I grab a bowl of what looked like spaghetti, shredded carrots, and glitter. I pretend as if I'm going to dump the bowl over my head, but instead I hurl it behind me into the audience. Naturally, this erupts into a mass food fight.
The room is in chaos. I hide in a doorway and flick a blob of mustard at some people on the outskirts of the room, who appear to be avoiding the food fight by flattening themselves along a wall. The blob of mustard hits Amy, who is wearing fancy "interview clothes." I feel bad for ruining her shirt. Then I grab a big ball of green cookie dough and throw it at Ted. The dough is surprisingly heavy and I can barely throw it. It misses Ted, and he retaliates with another ball of dough, which I avoid. We're both about to throw second volley when the my alarm goes off and the dream ends.
There was another song next, which went into this bit featuring my grandma and Kermit the Frog. My grandma didn't like working with the Muppets, and kept revealing the artifice of the Muppets (i.e., that they are puppets operated by humans) out loud, to my dismay.
Next up was a skit that I was in. The premise was that I was grizzled old sea captain trying unsuccessfully to woo a fair young maiden sometime in the 1800s. I had no costume and no lines; I just had to make everything up on the spot. I kept my face all scrunched up in order to appear old, and I walked with a stiff, uncomfortable gait. The fair maiden was very reticent, and so I had to do a lot of the speaking, but I didn't know what to say. Suddenly, her husband comes onstage. Weirdly, he is also played by me, or at least someone who looks exactly like me. My doppelganger had long straight hair, a mustache, and was costumed in an old-fashioned nightgown with a sleeping cap. He reveals what turns out to be the crux of the skit: the maiden is only attracted to people who are dirty. In order to impress her, I have to make myself filthy by dumping plates of food over myself. I grab a bowl of what looked like spaghetti, shredded carrots, and glitter. I pretend as if I'm going to dump the bowl over my head, but instead I hurl it behind me into the audience. Naturally, this erupts into a mass food fight.
The room is in chaos. I hide in a doorway and flick a blob of mustard at some people on the outskirts of the room, who appear to be avoiding the food fight by flattening themselves along a wall. The blob of mustard hits Amy, who is wearing fancy "interview clothes." I feel bad for ruining her shirt. Then I grab a big ball of green cookie dough and throw it at Ted. The dough is surprisingly heavy and I can barely throw it. It misses Ted, and he retaliates with another ball of dough, which I avoid. We're both about to throw second volley when the my alarm goes off and the dream ends.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Donut Fish
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| The donut fish -- Side view |
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| Top view |
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| John Cleese |
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